We all have that vegan friend, if not vegan, then tree hugger, or some other enviro-freak. They’re all pretty much the same anyway, and we love to make fun of those people don’t we. And unlike other people, we will make fun of those people in front of their face, I mean, what are they gonna do. I don’t mean to be harsh or anything, I mean “Hail Vegan Fuhrer” or whatever their saying is. We would make fun of him like we had nothing better to do; it was almost like a game to us. “Okay, whoever confuses him first gets $4” One of our favorite games was the “Can You Eat That” game.
“Can you eat French fries fried in oil made from animal fat”
…”Um, no”
“I know you’re not supposed to eat anything with a face, but what if I drew a face on a piece of toast”
…”What, I’m pretty sure I could still eat it”
Come on he knows we’re kidding, I think. I mean he did try to stab me with a carrot once, but I’m sure that was for a completely unrelated reason. We were talking with him one day, about his reaction in a cave-in, or some other classic human cannibalism moment. He says he wouldn’t be able to turn into a cannibal, he says he would starve himself to death. We decided, and I want any vegans reading this to really think about this. We decided that he would probably end up going stir crazy or something, and within a half hour, be sitting there, staring at his 18 half eaten friends… Hungry…